I'm Already Home...Again

How dare you insult Nicki Bunting!

elaine — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 18:55:35 +0000

Many of my readers are familiar with Nicki Bunting. Nicki lost her beloved husband Bubba to an IED in Afghanistan in 2008 while she was pregnant with their second son Cooper. This amazing woman started Bubbas Belly Run, the 5K race in Maryland dedicated to the service men and woman who paid with their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan. The proceeds from her race have benefited many organizations that support these families. In 2009, the Flat Daddy program received a check for over $12,000 from Bubbas Belly Run to provide Flat Daddy figures to more than 240 households! Here’s my beef: recently I’ve become aware of the fact that someone actually had the audacity to make a claim that Nicki really didn’t donate the race proceeds. I’m outraged by that! I’ve known and worked with Nicki over the years and she is an honest, value-driven individual who works diligently for the rights of military families. If someone doesn’t believe she donated the funds, just call me…I’ll send you a copy of the check! This person should stop making waves and direct that energy towards helping Nicki make the 2010 race raise twice as much money!

There’s another reason I feel strongly about this. A while back, my stepson Jason – a golf pro at the original Vista Ridge Golf Course in Colorado – made a “one in a million” shot while being interviewed by Vic Lombardi from Channel 4 news. In front of the reporter AND cameraman, Jason shot a hole-in-one on hole 17! It was his first ever…and in the news! Who would believe it?! It was broadcast many times and we were, of course, really proud. In fact, go through my blog archives to find a post about it. A few days following, a broadcaster on the Golf Channel had the nerve to proclaim that the shot had been staged! Vic Lombardo came unglued and went on the air to refute that unsubstantiated claim. The Golf Channel challenged Jason’s honesty and reputation without even knowing him. It was cleared up, and the Golf Channel issued an apology, but the damage had been done. We’re past it now, but the same thing is happening to Nikki. I hope the person spreading this rumor eventually comes to their senses and gives her a much deserved apology! The rest of you…go visit her website (www.BubbasBellyRun.com) and help support this year’s efforts. Nicki…you ROCK!

Great project for FRG or military family retreat. Enjoy!

elaine — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 20:55:13 +0000

Have you ever been faced with the challenge of finding a fun hands-on project for your FRG meeting or retreat and swear that you don’t have a creative bone in your body? First, you’re probably more ceative than you think, and second, let me share what one group did. I just returned from leading a teambuilding session at a mid-deployment retreat in beautiful Breckenridge, Colorado. The group of spouses was small but wonderful and our session was great. Now it was time for the “craft” project. Armed with precut 12″ squares of fabric and a variety of colored fabric markers, each person created a personal quilt block for their deployed spouse/boyfriend. What a variety! Lots of colors and cool sayings. Each block had such a special flair. Now we had to create a quilt!

Colorado NG loved ones

Finished wall hanging

While everyone attended their next session, I broke out my sewing machine, iron and rulers and set to work. In the following 2 hours I helped by assembling the blocks, and quilting and binding their quilt. We added a backing fabric, but no batting so it would be easier to send. When they got out, it was all done! They are planning on sending it to their unit to be hung in the common area as constant reminder of all the love and support that is waiting for them here at home. It wasn’t a hard project and all you need to do is round up one of your members with a sewing machine and some talent with fabrics to put the blocks into a quilt wall hanging. All the materials are easily found at any fabric store, and the size of the quilt will depend on the number of people participating. Everyone REALLY got involved in the project and was excited to see their finished work. Just so you can see it too, here’s a photo of the wall hanging and all the women who worked on it. Try it with your unit and I know you’ll experience the same results. If you ever have any questions on how to go about it, email me at Elaine@ImAlreadyHome.com. I’ll be glad to help. Enjoy your week!

It might be time to STOP!

elaine — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 20:53:04 +0000

A couple of years ago I was visiting a good friend who has a five year old daughter named “Jessica”. This particular afternoon we were driving to Home Depot and I was sitting next to her car seat in the back. We were talking about all that she had learned lately, and one of those skills involved the DVD remote control. She was telling me that she knew how to work the buttons and what each was for.

“I can do the back button, and the forward, and the don’t-do-it, and the pause!” she told me with the excitement of a five year old with new information.

“Wait…did you say the ‘don’t-do-it’? I asked back.

“Yea. You know, the one with the square on it,” was her response.

Then it hit me: “Oh, the STOP button, right?” “Yep…that one. That’s the ‘don’t-do-it’ button,” she said with a big smile.

After I stopped chuckling, I thought about how perfect “Jessica’s” new name for the STOP button was. It was simple and to the point: if you push it, the DVD stops right where it is and nothing happens.

I realize that each one of us has our own built in “don’t-do-it” button. It’s called a conscience. I think we should be pushing our “don’t-do-it” button more often than we are. It’s hard to get through a day without some kind of moral or ethical decision coming our way. Living in the military lifestyle gives you many opportunities to make some tough choices. We tend to respond so well to instant gratification that we’re not taking the time to consider the consequences of some of our bigger dilemmas. If you’re considering something that is riding the line of being the “right” thing to do (even something as small as using harsh words) hit the PAUSE button on your life and think…do I want to hit the PLAY button and continue, or should I hit the DON’T-DO-IT button. Just take time to think. After all, it’s a part of being resilient.

Open Mouth…Insert Foot. Gen McChrystal Speaks Out!

elaine — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 23:49:40 +0000

Rolling Stone Magazine said that the article started out as a profile of what’s happening in the Afghanistan conflict through the eyes of its leader, General McChrystal. Unfortunately, it didn’t end that way. Gen McChrystal used what I call “$1000 words” – words that once spoken, I’d pay $1000 to stuff back in my mouth! In this case, free speech was not so free. The “Mindbender” on the MIX100 radio show this morning, asked people “according to a recent survey, what was the most valuable piece of advice you’ve ever received?” Now the actual answer was, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”, but I bet that Gen McChrystal would cast his vote for “THINK before you speak!” This is a smart time to remind all military family members here at home who have loved ones deployed, that you need to think before you speak too. Remember the guidelines of OPSEC and realize that you must never chat or post information about the deployment that you don’t want everyone to know! You never know who’s listening, so please be careful. Your loved one’s safety may depend on it. Ok enough said. It’s time to move on.

In accepting Gen McChrystals resignation, Obama said that he will tolerate “debate…not division” in his administration. He’s put Gen David Patraeus in McChrystal’s position in Afghanistan hoping for a seamless transition in leadership. I think we should support that strategy by standing behind the job that the General now has to do…and of course, realize that none of this upset had anything to do with the troops at work there. They had no part in the media interview or its interpretation. As Independence Day approaches, wave your flag and curl up with your family under the fireworks while sending support and prayers to all those spending the day away from families continuing the fight against those who would quiet our voice of independence. That voice is still strong, and under the rules of common sense, we are still allowed to say what we feel needs to be heard. That’s the kind of freedom our troops fight for!

Suck it up and ask for what you want!

elaine — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 02:26:01 +0000

Yesterday I attended the 2^nd day of a publisher’s conference and sat down for lunch at a table with 8 interesting people, most of whom I had never met. During lunch we got to know each other and I discovered two award winners, a model, a news personality and even a woman who had just purchased a 46 foot yacht moored in Florida! Always pays to strike up a conversation!

As we were caught up in talking at the table, I noticed that the desserts had already been set at each place – alternating a piece of chocolate fudge cake with a piece of carrot cake – and for the first time I saw that the carrot cake was smack dab in front of me! Now I have nothing against carrot cake, but come on…there’s no contest between chocolate and carrots! I wanted the chocolate cake and was bemoaning the fact that I had certainly sat at the wrong place. So I appeared to have two choices: I could enjoy the carrot cake at my place or steal a piece of chocolate cake from one of my neighbors! Then I thought of something else and I tapped my spoon on the side of my water glass. When I had everyone’s attention I said, “Just checking, but would any of you prefer to trade your chocolate cake for my carrot cake?”…fully intending to get laughed at or met with stunned silence. Instead, the woman on my left returned with “Actually, that would be great. I was thinking of how I could get a piece of the carrot cake!” So we switched and both got the results we wanted. The man sitting on my right leaned over and whispered, “Wow – good for you. People always seem to hesitate to ask for what they want.”

What a good lesson that was for me. So often we find ourselves in situations that could be made even a little bit better if we just speak up and ask how it can be made better – how we can get what we want or need. As a member of a military family, are you willing to step up and ask your kids to calm down and behave, if even for a minute, or ask the neighbor if they’ll shovel the snow for you, or your mom to take your daughter to gymnastics? Why are we afraid or uncomfortable to ask others for help? Next time – suck it up and ask for what you want! Who knows…you just might get it.

F-16 Incentive Flight – Come fly with me! #2 post

elaine — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 19:08:10 +0000

It’s closer every day. Last Friday I cleared one of the final hurdles when I passed my incentive flight physical at Buckley AFB. I’ll admit I was a little worried because being nervous about it would most likely shoot my blood pressure up…which it did at first. I kept thinking “crap…I don’t want to come this far to only be denied the flight!” As we talked, it finally settled down and was fine. First, they had me sit in a chair and they took measurements to be sure I would fit in the seat in the small cabin of the aircraft. That was interesting. Evidently my butt hadn’t yet gotten too big for that. They made sure that I was able to equalize (pop) my ears for the pressure changes of the flight. Since I’d just completed my scuba certification dives that actually came easy. Good thing! After they gave me my “Golden Ticket” documents that passed me they talked to me about eating. The person who was giving me final information before I left the base said that I should eat a light breakfast of yogurt, bananas and a piece of toast. When I asked why he said “Because it tastes the same coming up as going down!” Still not sure if that was meant to be funny or not! It’s been a delight to have the people who are working the background for my flight have as much joy in this as I do. I’m humbly honored to be chosen for this F-16 incentive flight with the 180th FW in Ohio. In the next few posts I hope to “introduce” you to these amazing pilots and one of the fighting forces that’s behind our security here in America. I love being a military speaker and author when it allows me to help the service members, their families and their friends make it through deployments. So, I’m cleared and on my way to Ohio in the morning for the flight which is on Tuesday October 27, 2009. I’ll Twitter things as they happen and take you through the 1/2 day of training I’ll be taking prior to the flight. Hopefully this will be fun new information for all of us. P.S. I’ll have pictures and video that I’ll be posting. If you’re with the National Guard in Ohio…listen for a flyby!

Scuba and the military family.

elaine — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:59:17 +0000

At the ripe age of __ I decided to learn how to scuba dive. I’m not sure why, but a diver friend of mine said that it’s a way to see a part of God’s beautiful world that few get to experience. Maybe that’s why. This past weekend I had the pleasure of doing 4 open water dives for my certification in Utah at a place called Homestead Crater. I’ll admit that I was pretty nervous before that first dive because I didn’t know what to expect. I had so many questions: What would it be like? What if I ran into trouble and didn’t know what to do? Would I be by myself? Did I have the right equipment and was it up to date? My heart was beating hard as I jumped into the water and began to descend. Ok, why did this experience make me think of all the military spouses and families I know so well? Because in a small way, I had concerns that I related somewhat to concerns that families have during deployments. Here’s what I thought:

First, what would it be like? I knew that I’d have no idea until I was actually IN the water. It’s natural to want to know all the answers BEFORE deployment, but that’s just not possible. You prepare the best you can and then learn as you go along after you have to jump into it. It’s easier once you’re in and begin to experience what it really means for your family. Learn from what’s going on around you. Secondly, what if I ran into trouble and didn’t know what to do? Boy, is that a fear that we have most of the time! As soon as I was in the water, my instructor Julie told me that she would always be within arms reach of me the entire time. That was a huge relief because if something did go wrong, I had faith in the fact that she would know what to do. So what if the car breaks down the minute your hubby leaves for deployment? Call the support group and people around you to find help. You don’t have to…and shouldn’t…handle everything yourself when you get into trouble. Someone who knows what you’re going through is always within arms reach of you.

Third, would I be alone? Absolutely not. I learned that I would never dive without a buddy. We would watch out for each other throughout the entire dive. We would “have each other’s back.” That’s the same with you and your “Battle Buddy.” You’re there to support each other and go through your learning together whenever you need to. Don’t ever be far from your Battle Buddy. Finally, would I have the right equipment and would it be current? Yes, I had everything I needed and I did a pre-dive check to be sure it was in working order. You have all the right equipment to get you and your family through this deployment and back on shore again. You have resources around you including websites, programs, books (like I’m Already Home…Again and The Road Home found at www.ImAlreadyHome.com), family readiness conferences, and FRG meetings. The more you find and use the right equipment, the more you will rely on what it can do for you. Keep up with what’s around to help you in all stages of deployment, reunion and reintegration. I’ll be on Twitter putting up occasional Tweets of deployment connection ideas for you a couple of times each week, so come follow me at Twitter.com/ElaineDumler. I’d love to help you through this and have some fun too. Watch for the information/photos of my F-16 incentive ride on the 27th of October!

F-16 Incentive Flight – come fly with me! #1 post

elaine — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:23:54 +0000

Wow, what a day. I was just notified that I’ve been accepted for an incentive ride in an F-16 with the 180th Fighter Wing in Ohio! The ride is scheduled for Tuesday October 27th with the 28th as a backup date if the weather chooses not to cooperate. I can’t begin to tell you how thrilled and honored I am to be taking this ride of a lifetime. I have no idea what to expect other than I figure I shouldn’t eat a whole lot that morning. Even though I’m excited beyond belief, I’m kind of scared too – have to be honest. I love roller coasters and have been on some of the best, but that can’t compare to this ride I imagine. And imagine is all I can do right now! I don’t know if I can say how I was recommended, but it was following the National Guard Family Programs convention and youth symposium in Michigan where I was a presenter. We had so much fun during the breakout sessions and I got to meet and greet a whole lot of wonderful military families and servicepersons. Back to the flight. I want to share this entire experience with you through the blogs, Facebook, Twitter and the InTouch Newsletter. I’m learning how to do this better. There’s a process I have to go through prior to this flight and here’s what I’ll be doing in the days to come.

I guess they need to be sure I’m up to the task because I’ll be going through a pre-flight physical in two weeks right here in Colorado at Buckley AFB. It’s not supposed to be too difficult, and I’m glad that they’ll take care of me that way. Then I head off to Ohio on the 26th and get ready for pre-flight training the morning and afternoon of the 27th. Now this I truly have no idea what I’ll be asked to do. I understand that in one skill set I have to hang from a parachute harness. I’ll have to get a picture of that! Thank you to the 180th for teaching me the safety proceedures and skills I’ll need to know. My family appreciates that! Then the actual flight, which should be 60-90 minutes, will immediately follow that training. Anyway, that’s it for this first post and I’ll be back for the next step in the process. So…come fly with me!

Flat Daddy shows military family resiliency.

elaine — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:51:46 +0000

I know it sounds so cliché, but have you hugged your loved ones today? Or for that matter just really thought about how much you love them? As my schedule gets busier and busier I catch myself complaining sometimes about how much I have to do. Sometimes I am not as appreciative as I should be about my life and I find myself needing a reminder that I have a great life. I have a husband who loves me, a wonderful son, 4 beloved granddaughters, a nice house, great friends, a job I love where I get to interact with cool military family members who remind me what it means to be resilient,…the list goes on and on. Still I find myself taking for granted all I have to be thankful for.

Well no more negativity from me! I just received a short email from one of those great military family members I mentioned above. She was the recipient of a donated Flat Daddy® around Christmas time last year through the generous gift of one of our Operation Connect a Family contributors. I have protected her privacy by removing proper names. I think you will see from her email why I believe in Flat Daddy® and wish every service member’s family could have one. (Get your tissues ready)… Here is the email:

Hi Elaine,

It’s been some time since I received my Flat Daddy and I want to apologize for it taking so long for me to write. I received it in December, just in time to have it around before Daddy came home for R&R. I truly believe that this helped our son, (1 1/2 years old), recognize Daddy at the airport. For that, I cannot thank you enough. He would walk around the house hugging the Flat Daddy around the neck and would give him kisses. When real Daddy arrived at the airport for R&R, he knew exactly who he was and grabbed right onto him. It was beautiful. We had a wonderful 2 weeks with Daddy while he was home. Unfortunately, just 4 days after he returned to Afghanistan, my husband was killed by an IED.

I just cannot thank you enough for what you have given my son and our family. The Flat Daddy still is in my son’s room and he still kisses it and hugs it. I don’t let him carry it around anymore though because it got bent and I’m afraid of injuring him anymore! It really warms my heart to know that this helps him recognize Daddy. While my husband was home, we were miraculously able to conceive another child. I am definitely going to order another Flat Daddy for our new little guy for his bedroom too as I know how much this has helped. I’m moving in a few weeks, so I don’t want to order it quite yet as I know things are about to get even more hectic for our family.

I just wanted to take the time to write and tell you how amazing your idea is. I am truly so grateful and will forever be. Thank you so much.

So go hug your loved ones. Time is precious, be thankful. Blessings, Elaine

If you would like to donate a Flat Daddy® to a family that needs one, please visit www.operationconnectafamily.com/ or contact us at 303-430-0592.

Surprise military family reunion on CNN

elaine — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:46:11 +0000

Welcome Home, Dad It’s Monday and I trust it’s starting out as a good one for you. Deployment and reunion are still going on in the country daily and we experienced it first hand here in Colorado last Friday. The National Guard deployed 450 soldiers to Iraq – the largest single deployment here since WWII. They will be gone for a year, so be sure to keep them in your prayers. With deployment, follows reunion, which is challenging in it’s own right. Brad Montgomery, a good friend of mine, saw a wonderful CNN video that showcased a surprise homecoming for a soldier and his 8 year old son. It was great, and I want to share it with you in this post. (click on the link above that says “Welcome Home, Dad”) After you watch it, and if you are personally affected by reunion and reintegration, don’t forget that the book “The Road Home – Smoothing the transition back from deployment” is a big help in this area and you can see it at www.ImAlreadyHome.com. Enjoy the video and please have a wonderful and safe week. To the families – thank you as always for your service!